Berry and Co. Page 3

  CHAPTER III

  HOW A MAN MAY FOLLOW HIS OWN HAT, AND BERRY TOOK A LAMP IN HIS HAND.

  "What are you doing this morning?" said Daphne.

  Berry turned to the mantelpiece and selected a pipe before replying.

  "I have," he said, "several duties to discharge. All, curiously enough,to myself. First, if not foremost, I must hire some sock-suspenders.Secondly, I must select some socks for the sock-suspenders to suspend.Is that clear? Neither last nor least----"

  "As a matter of fact," said his wife, "you're going to help me choose apresent for Maisie Dukedom. Besides, I've got to go to Fortnum andMason's, and I want you----"

  "To carry the string-bag. I know. And we can get the chops at the sametime. We'd better take some newspaper with us. And a perambulator."

  "Tell you what," said Jonah, "let's all join together and give her aPersian rug."

  "That's rather an idea," said my sister. "And they wear for ever."

  "You're sure of that, aren't you?" said Berry. "I mean, I shouldn't likeher to have to get a new one in about six hundred years. I like apresent to last."

  Before Daphne could reply--

  "How d'you spell 'business'?" said Jill, looking up from a letter.

  "Personally," said I, "I don't. It's one of the words I avoid. If youmust, I should write it down both ways and see what it looks like."

  The telephone bell began to ring.

  "Wrong number, for a fiver," said Jonah. "They always do it about thistime."

  Berry crossed the room and picked up the receiver. We listenedexpectantly.

  "Have I got a taxi! My dear fellow, I've got a whole school of them.Would you like a Renault or a baby grand? What? Oh, I'm afraid Icouldn't send it at once. You see, I've only got one boy, and he'shaving his hair cut. I can post it to you, and I should think you'll getit to-morrow morning. No, I'm not mad. No, I'm not the cab-rank, either.Well, you should have asked me. Never mind. Let's talk of somethingelse. I wonder if you're interested in rock-worms.... I beg yourpardon...." Gravely he restored the receiver to its perch. "Notinterested," he added for our information. "He didn't actually say so,but from the directions he gave concerning them--happily, I may say,quite impracticable----"

  "Talking of telephoning," said Jonah uncertainly, "don't forget we'vegot to ring up and say whether we want those tickets."

  "So we have," said my sister. "Wednesday week, isn't it? Let's see." Shefell to examining a tiny engagement-book, murmuring to herself as shedeciphered or interpreted the entries.

  I continued to survey the street.

  It was a dark morning in December, and we were all In the library, wherethere was a good fire, warming ourselves preparatory to venturing abroadand facing the north-east wind which was making London so unpleasant.

  The tickets to which Jonah referred would make us free of the AlbertHall for a ball which promised to surpass all its predecessors insplendour and discomfort. No one was to be admitted who was not clad incloth either of gold or silver, and, while there were to be no intervalsbetween the dances, a great deal of the accommodation usually reservedfor such revellers as desired rest or refreshment was being convertedinto seats to be sold to any who cared to witness a pageant of unwontedbrilliancy. The fact that no one of us had attended a function of thissort for more than five years, and the excellence of the cause on behalfof which it was being promoted, were responsible for our inclination totake the tickets, for, with the exception of Jill, we were not eager tosubscribe to an entertainment which it was not at all certain we shouldenjoy.

  At length--

  "I suppose we'd better take the tickets," I said reflectively. "If wedon't want to go, we needn't use them."

  "Oh, we must use them," said Daphne; "and we've got nothing on onWednesday, as far as I can see."

  Berry cleared his throat.

  "It is patent," he said, "that my personal convenience is of noconsideration. But let that pass. I have no objection to setting, as itwere, the seal of success upon the ball in question, provided that mycostume buttons in front, and has not less than two pockets which are atonce accessible and of a reasonable capacity. I dare say they weren'tfashionable in the fourteenth century. No doubt our forefathers thoughtit a scream to keep their handkerchiefs in their boots or the seat oftheir trousers. But I'm funny like that. Last time I had to give thefellow in the cloak-room half a crown every time I wanted to blow mynose."

  "You four go," said Jonah. "I always feel such a fool in fancy dress."

  "If you feel anything like the fool you look," said Berry, "I'm sorryfor you."

  Jonah lowered _The Sportsman_ and surveyed the speaker.

  "What you want," he said, "is a little honest toil. I should take upscavenging, or sewerage. Something that appeals to you."

  "I agree" said Daphne. "But you can't start this morning, because you'reconing with Jill and me to choose the rug." She turned to me. "Boy dear,ring up and take those tickets, will you?"

  I nodded.

  The spirit of reckless generosity which is so prominent a characteristicof "Exchange" was very noticeable this morning. The number I asked for,which was faithfully repeated by the operator, was Mayfair 976. I wasconnected successively to Hammersmith 24, Museum 113, and Mayfair 5800.After a decent interval I began again.

  "Kennington Road Police Station," said a voice.

  "Kennington or Kennington Road?" said I.

  "Kennington Road. There ain't no Kennington."

  "Ain't--I mean, aren't there? I always thought.... Never mind. How arethe police?"

  "I say this is Kennington Road Police Station," replied the voice withsome heat.

  "I know you did. I heard you. Just now. If you remember, I asked you ifit was Kennington or Kennington Road, and you said----"

  "'Oo _are_ you?"

  To avoid any unpleasantness I replaced my receiver.

  Two minutes later, after an agreeable conversation with "Supervisor," Iarranged to purchase five tickets for the Gold and Silver Ball.

  * * * * *

  "This," said the salesman, spreading a rug upon the top of afast-growing pile, "is a Shiraz."

  "I suppose," said Berry, "you haven't got a Badgerabahd?"

  "I never came across one, sir."

  "They are rare," was the airy reply. "The best ones used to be made inGermany and sent to Egypt. By the tune the camels had finished withthem, they'd fetch anything from a millionaire to a foxhound."

  This was too much for Jill's gravity, and it was only with an effortthat Daphne controlled her voice.

  "I think that's very nice," she said shakily. "Don't you?" she added,turning to me.

  "Beautiful piece of work," I agreed. "Some of it appears to have beendone after dinner, but otherwise...."

  "The pattern is invariably a little irregular, sir."

  "Yes," said Berry. "That's what makes them so valuable. Their lives arereflected in their rugs. Every mat is a human document." With theferrule of his umbrella he indicated a soft blue line that was strayingcasually from the course which its fellows had taken. "That, forinstance, is where Ethel the Unready demanded a latchkey at the matureage of sixty-two. And here we see Uncle Sennacherib fined two measuresof oil for being speechless before mid-day. I don't think we'd bettergive her this one," he added. "She-bat the Satyr seems to have got goingabout the middle, and from what I remember----"

  "Haven't you got to go and get some socks?" said Daphne desperately.

  "I have. Will you meet me for lunch, or shall I meet you? I believe theydo you very well at the Zoo."

  The salesman retired precipitately into an office, and my sisterbesought me tearfully to take her husband away.

  "I might have known," she said in a choking voice. "I was a fool tobring him."

  "Let's play at bears," said her husband. "It's a priceless game. Everyone gets under a different rug and growls."

  Resignedly Daphne retired to the sofa. Jill sank down upon the pile ofrugs and shook silently. Observing
that we were unattended, anothersalesman was hurrying in our direction. Before he could launch theinevitable question--

  "I want a dog licence and some magic lanterns," said Berry. "You know.The ones that get all hot and smell."

  There was a shriek of laughter from Jill, and the unfortunate assistantlooked round wildly, as if for support.

  Clearly something had to be done.

  I stepped forward and slid my arm through that of the delinquent.

  "Enough," said I. "Come and devil the hosier. If you're not quick allthe socks will be gone."

  My brother-in-law eyed me suspiciously.

  "And leave my baggage?" he demanded, pointing to Daphne. "Never. This isa ruse. Where is the manager of the emporium? I dreamed about him lastnight. He had brown boots on."

  I consulted my watch before replying.

  "By the time we get to the Club, Martinis will be in season."

  "Do you mean that?" said Berry.

  "I do."

  "And a small but pungent cigar?"

  I nodded.

  He turned to the bewildered salesman.

  "Please attend to these ladies. They want to choose an expensive-lookingrug. Preferably a Shiraz. No doubt they will be safe in your hands. Goodmorning."

  On the way out he stopped at a counter and purchased one of theprettiest bead bags I have ever seen. He ordered it to be sent toDaphne.

  * * * * *

  The omnibus was sailing down Oxford Street at a good round pace, but itwas the sudden draught from a side street that twitched my hat from myhead. I turned to see the former describe a somewhat elegant curve andmake a beautiful landing upon the canopy of a large limousine which wasstanding by the kerb some seventy yards away. By the time I hadalighted, that distance was substantially increased. In some dudgeon Iproceeded to walk, with such remnants of dignity as I could collect andretain, in tie direction of my lost property. Wisdom suggested that Ishould run; but I felt that the spectacle of a young man, hatless butotherwise decently dressed and adequately protected from the severity ofthe weather, needed but the suggestion of impatience to make it whollyridiculous. My vanity was rightly served. I was still about thirty pacesfrom my objective, when the limousine drew out from the pavement andinto the stream of traffic which was hurrying east.

  As my lips framed a particularly unpleasant expletive a bell rangsharply, and I turned to see a taxi, which had that moment beendismissed.

  "Oxford Circus," I cried, flinging open the door.

  A moment later we were near enough for me to indicate the largelimousine and to instruct my driver to follow her.

  As we swept into Regent's Park, I began to wonder whether I should nothave been wiser to drive to Bond Street and buy a new hat. By the timewe had been twice round the Ring I had no longer any doubt on thispoint; but my blood was up, and I was determined to run my quarry toearth, even if it involved a journey to Hither Green.

  More than once we were almost out-distanced, three times we were caughtin a block of traffic, so that my taxi's bonnet was nosing thelimousine's tank. Once I got out, but, as I stepped into the road, thewaiting stream was released, and the car slid away and round the hull ofa 'bus from under my very hand. My escape from a disfiguring deathbeneath the wheels of a lorry was so narrow that I refrained from asecond attempt to curtail my pursuit, and resigned myself to playing awaiting game.

  When we emerged from the Park, my spirits rose and I fell to studyingwhat I could see of the lines of the limousine, and to speculatingwhether I was being led to Claridge's or the Ritz. I had just pronouncedIn favour of the latter, when there fell upon my ears the long regularspasm of ringing which is a fire-engine's peremptory demand for instantway. Mechanically the order was everywhere obeyed. The street was nonetoo wide, and a second and louder burst of resonance declared that thefire-engine was hard upon our heels.

  The twenty yards separating us from the limousine were my undoing. Witha helpless glance at me over his shoulder, my driver pulled in to thekerb, and we had the felicity of watching the great blue car turn down aconvenient side street and flash out of sight.

  The engine swept by at a high smooth speed, the traffic emerged from itsstate of suspended animation, and in some annoyance I put my head out ofthe window and directed my driver to drive to Bond Street.

  I had chosen a new hat and was on the point of leaving the shop, when achauffeur entered with a soft grey hat in his hand. The hat resembledthe one I had Lost, and for a moment I hesitated. Then it occurred to methat there were many such hats in London, and I passed on and out of thedoor. Of course it was only a coincidence. Still....

  Opposite me, drawn up by the kerb, was the large blue limousine.

  The next moment I was back in the shop.

  "I rather think that's my hat," I said.

  The chauffeur looked round.

  "Is it, sir? 'Er ladyship see it on top o' the canopy Just as I put 'erdown at the Berkeley. 'Wilkins,' she says, 'there's a 'at on the car.''A 'at, me lady?' says I. 'A 'at,' says she. 'Fetch it down.' I fetchesit down and shows it 'er. 'An' a nice noo 'at, too,' she says, 'wot musthave blowed orf of a gent's 'ead, an' 'e on top of a 'bus, as like asnot.' Then she looks inside and see the initials and the name o' theshop. 'Take it back where it come from,' she says. 'They'll know oose itis.' 'Very good, me lady,' said I, an' come straight down, sir."

  I took off the hat I was wearing and bade him read the initials whichhad just been placed there. He did so reluctantly. Then--

  "Very glad to 'ave found you so quick, sir. Shall I tell them to send italong? You won't want to carry it."

  "I'll see to that," said I, taking it out of his hand. "Why didn't itblow off your canopy?"

  "The spare cover was 'oldin' it, sir. Must 'ave shifted on to the brimas soon as it come there. I don't know 'ow long----"

  "Best part of an hour," I said shortly, giving him a two-shilling piece."Good day, and thanks very much."

  He touched his cap and withdrew.

  A wrestle with mental arithmetic showed me that the draught which I hadencountered nearly an hour before had cost me exactly one and a halfguineas.

  Ordinarily I should have dismissed the matter from my mind, but for somereason I had no sooner let the chauffeur go than I was tormented by apersistent curiosity regarding the identity of his considerate mistress.If I had not promised to rejoin Berry for lunch--a meal for which I wasalready half an hour late--I should have gone to the Berkeley andscrutinized the guests. The reflection that such a proceeding must onlyhave been unprofitable consoled me not at all, so contrary a maid isSpeculation. For the next two hours Vexation rode me on the curb. Iquarrelled with Berry, I was annoyed with myself, and when thehall-porter at the Club casually observed that there was "a nasty wind,"I agreed with such hearty and unexpected bitterness that he startedviolently and dropped the pile of letters which he was searching on mybehalf.

  A visit to Lincoln's Inn Fields, however, with regard to an estate ofwhich I was a trustee, followed by a sharp walk in the Park, did much toreduce the ridiculous fever of which my folly lay sick, and I returnedhome in a frame of mind almost as comfortable as that in which I had setout.

  It was half-past four, but no one of the others was in, so I ordered teato be brought to the library, and settled down to the composition of aletter to _The Observer_.

  I was in the act of recasting my second sentence, when the light wentout.

  By the glow of the fire I made my way to the door A glance showed methat the hall and the staircase were In darkness. It was evident that afuse had come to a violent end.

  I closed the door and returned to my seat. Then I reached for thetelephone and put the receiver to my ear.

  "What an extraordinary thing!" said a voice. "And you've no idea whoseit was?"

  "Not the slightest," came the reply. There was a musical note in thegirlish tone that would have attracted any one. "There it was, on thetop of the car, when we got to the Berkeley. It wasn't such a bad hat,either.
"

  "Excuse me," said I. "It was a jolly good hat."

  A long tense silence followed my interruption. At length--

  "I say, are you there, Dot?"

  "Yes," came the reply in an excited whisper. "Who was that speaking?"

  "I've not the faintest idea," rejoined the first voice I had heard."Somebody must have got on to our line. I expect----"

  A familiar explosion severed the sentence with the clean efficiency ofthe guillotine.

  "Isn't that sickening?" said I. "Now we shall never know what her theorywas."

  "It's all your fault, whoever you are. If you hadn't butted in----"

  "I don't know what you mean," I retorted. "I was ushered into yourpresence, so to speak, by _la force majeure_. French. Very difficult."

  "Well, when you heard us talking, you ought to have got off the line."

  "I should have, if you hadn't started disparaging my headgear. I repeat,it was a hat of unusual elegance. It had a personality of its own."

  "But it wasn't your hat we were discussing."

  I sighed.

  "All right," I said wearily. "It wasn't. Have it your own way. Someother fool followed a silver-grey Homburg twice round the Park thismorning. Some other fool----"

  A little gasp interrupted me.

  "But how did you know my number?"

  "I didn't. I don't. I never could have been about to should. Negativesall the way. It's just chance, my dear. Chance with a Capital J--I meanC. D'you mind if I smoke?"

  Her reply was preceded by a refreshing gurgle.

  "Not at all," said my lady. "D'you mean to say you chased us all thatway?"

  "Further. And if it hadn't been for that fire-engine----"

  "I remember. Wilkins turned down a side-street."

  "Exactly."

  "What a shame. Well, if you go to your hatter's you'll get it again."

  "Your ingenuity is only equalled by your consideration. Isn't thatneatly put? You see, I'm writing a letter to _The Observer_, and, when Iget going, I can just say things like that one after another."

  "How wonderful. But I'm afraid I'm interrupting you, and I shouldn'tlike to deprive Humanity----"

  "Your name," said I, "is Dot. But I shall call you Mockery. And ifyou're half as sweet as you sound----"

  "Good-bye."

  I protested earnestly.

  "Please don't say that. We've only just met. Besides ... why was ClaphamCommon?"

  "Clapham what?"

  "No, Common. Why was Clapham Common?"

  "Well, why was it?"

  "I can't think, my dear. I thought you might know. It's worried me foryears."

  There was a choking sound, which suggested indignation struggling withlaughter. Then--

  "I've a good mind to ring off right away," said Dot in a shaking voice.

  "That would be cruel. Think of the dance you led me this morning. More.Think of the dances you're going to give me on Wednesday week."

  "Oh, you're going, are you?"

  "If you are."

  "What as?" she demanded.

  "A billiard-marker in the time of Henry the Fourth. And you?"

  "I can't rise to that. I'm going as myself in a silver frock."

  "Could anything be sweeter? A little silver Dot. I shall cancel thebody-snatcher--I mean billiard-marker--and go as Carry One. Then we candance together all the evening. By the way, in case I don't hear yourvoice, how shall I know you?"

  "A dot," said my lady, "is that which hath position, but no magnitude."

  "Possibly," said I. "It hath also a dear voice, which, though it beproduced indefinitely, will never tire. All the same, in view of thecapacity of the Albert Hall, you've not given me much to go on."

  "As a matter of fact, each of us is going as a parallel line. And that'swhy I can tell you that I like the sound of you, and--oh, well, enoughsaid."

  "Thank you, Dot. And why parallel lines?"

  "They never meet. So long."

  There was a faint chunk.

  My lady had rung off.

  Heavily I hung up my receiver.

  When the others came in, I was still sitting in the dark at the table,thinking....

  * * * * *

  The bitter wind reigned over London for seven long days, metinguntempered chastisement to its reluctant subjects, and dying unwept andgasping on a Monday night. Tuesday was fair, still by comparison andindeed. The sun shone and the sky was blue, and the smoke rose straightout of its chimneys with never the breath of a breeze to bend it, oreven to set its columns swaying over the high roofs. There was a greatcalm. But, with it all, the weather was terribly cold.

  That rare beauty which Dusk may bring to the Metropolis was that eveningvouchsafed. Streets that were mean put off their squalor, ways that werehandsome became superb. Grime went unnoticed, ugliness fell away. Allthings crude or staring became indistinct, veiled with a web of thatsoft quality which only Atmosphere can spin and, having spun, hang aboutbuildings of a windless eve.

  As Night drew on, Magic came stealing down the blurred highways. Lampsbecame lanterns, shedding a muffled light, deepening and charging withmystery the darkness beyond. Old friends grew unfamiliar. Where they hadstood, fantastic shapes loomed out of the mist and topless towers roseup spectral to baffle memory. Perspective fled, shadow and stuff wereone, and, save where the radiance of the shops in some proudthoroughfare made gaudy noon of evening, the streets of Town werechanged to echoing halls and long, dim, rambling galleries, hung allwith twinkling lights that stabbed the gloom but deep enough to showtheir presence, as do the stars.

  So, slowly and with a dazzling smile, London put on her cloak ofdarkness. By eight o'clock you could not see two paces ahead.

  On Wednesday morning the fog was denser than it had been the nightbefore. There was no sign of its abatement, not a puff of wind elbowedits way through the yellow drift, and the cold was intense. The prospectof leaving a comfortable home at nine in the evening to undertake ajourney of some two miles, clad in habiliments which, while highlyornamental, were about as protective from cold as a grape-skin rug, wasanything but alluring.

  For reasons of my own, however, I was determined to get to the Ball. Mysister, whom nothing daunted, and Jill, who was wild with excitement,and had promised readily to reserve more dances than could possibly berendered, were equally firm. Jonah thought it a fool's game, and said asmuch. Berry was of the same opinion, but expressed it less bluntly, andmuch more offensively. After a long tirade--

  "All right," he concluded. "You go. It's Lombard Street to a chinaorange you'll never get there, and, if you do, you'll never get back.None of the band'll turn up, and if you find twenty other fools in thebuilding to exchange colds with, you'll be lucky. To leave your home ona night like this is fairly clamouring for the special brand of troublethey keep for paralytic idiots. I've known you all too long to expectsagacity, but the instinct of self-preservation characterizes even thelower animals. What swine, for instance, would leave its cosy sty----"

  "How dare you?" said Daphne. "Besides, you can't say 'its.' Swine'splural."

  "My reference was to the fever-swine," was the cold reply. "A singularspecies. Comparable only with the deep-sea dip-sheep."

  "I think you're very unkind," said Jill, pouting. "Boy can walk in frontwith a lamp, and Jonah can walk behind with a lamp----"

  "And I can walk on both sides, I suppose, with a brazier in either hand.Oh, this is too easy."

  "We can but try," said I.

  "You can but close your ugly head," said Berry. "If you want to walkabout London half the night, looking like a demobilised pantaloon, pushoff and do it. But don't try and rope in innocent parties."

  To this insult I made an appropriate reply, and the argument waxed. Atlength----

  "There's no reason," said Jonah, "why we shouldn't go on like this forever. If we had any sense, we should send for Fitch and desire hisopinion. It's rather more valuable than any one of ours, and, after all,he's more or less int
erested. And you can trust him."

  Now, Fitch was our chauffeur.

  Amid a chorus of approval, I went to the telephone to speak to thegarage.

  I was still waiting to be connected, when--

  "Is that the Club?" said a voice.

  "No," said I. "Nothing like it."

  "Well, there's a bag of mine in the hall, and----"

  "No, there isn't," said I.

  "What d'you mean?" was the indignant retort.

  "What I say. Our hall is bagless."

  "I say," said the voice with laboured clarity, "I say there is a bag inthe hall. A BAG. Hang it all, you know what a bag is?"

  "Rather," said I heartily. "What you put nuts in. An uncle of mine hadone."

  The vehemence with which the unknown subscriber replaced his receiverwas terrible to hear.

  Ten minutes later Fitch entered the room.

  "Can you get to the Albert Hall to-night, Fitch?" said Daphne.

  "I think so, madam. If we go slow."

  "Can you get back from the Albert Hall to-morrow afternoon?" said Berry.

  "If I can get there, sir, I can get back."

  "How long will it take?"

  "I ought to do it in 'alf an hour, sir. I can push along in the Park,where it's all straight going. It's getting along the streets as'll takethe time. It's not that I won't find me way, but it's the watchin' outfor the hother vehicles, so as they don't run into you."

  "Bit of an optimist, aren't you?"

  "I don't think so, sir."

  "Thank you, Fitch," said Daphne hastily. "Half-past nine, please."

  "Very good, madam."

  He bowed and withdrew.

  Triumphantly my sister regarded her husband.

  "At making a mountain out of a molehill," she said, "no one can touchyou."

  Berry returned her gaze with a malevolent stare. Then he put a thumb tohis nose and extended his fingers in her direction.

  * * * * *

  The unfortunate incident occurred in the vicinity of Stanhope Gate.

  So far we had come very slowly, but without incident, and, in spite ofthe fact that we were insufficiently clad, we were nice and warm. Forthis, so far as Berry and I were concerned, two footwarmers and a pairof rugs were largely responsible, for the elaborate nature of ourcostumes put the wearing of overcoats out of the question. Ahigh-collared Italian cloak of the shape that was seen in the time ofElizabeth made it impossible for me to wear a _surtout_ of anydescription, and I was reduced to wrapping a muffler about my neck andholding a woollen shawl across my chest, while Berry, in that puffed andswollen array, which instantly remembers Henry the Eighth, derived whatcomfort he could from an enormous cloak of Irish frieze which, while itleft his chest uncovered, succeeded in giving him a back about four feetsquare.

  Hitherto we had encountered little or no traffic, and an excellentjudgment, coupled with something akin to instinct, on the part of Fitchhad brought us surely along the streets; but here, almost before we knewit, there were vehicles in front and on either side. Hoarse directionswere being shouted, lanterns were being waved, engines were running, anda few feet away frantic endeavours were being made to persuade a pair ofhorses to disregard twin headlights whose brilliancy was adding to theconfusion. Berry lowered the window.

  "What about it, Fitch?"

  "Well, sir, I'm just opposite the gate, but it's rather awkward to slipacross, in case I meet somethin'. If I 'as to pull up 'alf-way, we mightbe run into."

  "Which means that one of us must guide you over?"

  "It'd be safer, sir."

  By a majority of three it was decided that Berry should enact the _role_of conducting officer. Jonah had a cold, and was sitting on the backseat between the girls. I had no coat, and required the services of bothhands if I was to hold my shawl in position. Only my brother-in-lawremained. He did not go down without a struggle, but after a vigorousbut vain appeal "to our better natures," he compared himself to a lionbeset by jackals, commented bitterly upon "the hot air which is breathedabout self-sacrifice," and, directing that after death his veins shouldbe opened in the presence of not less than twelve surgeons, as apreliminary to his interment in the Dogs' Cemetery, opened the door andstepped sideways into the roadway.

  His efforts to remove the offside oil lamp, which was hot to the touch,were most diverting, and twice he returned to the window to ask us tomake less noise. At last, however, with the assistance of Fitch, thelamp was unhooked, and a moment later our absurd link-boy advancedcautiously in the direction of the gate.

  Fitch let in the clutch.

  We must have been half-way across, when a lamp of extraordinary powercame gliding up on the near side, confusing all eyes and altogethereffacing our guiding light.

  Fitch applied his brakes and cried out a warning. Instantly the lampstopped, but its glare was blinding and our chauffeur was clearly afraidto move.

  In a flash I was out of the car and holding my shawl over the face ofthe offender. At once Fitch took the car forward. As I fell in behind, Iheard Berry's voice.

  "Thank you. I hope I didn't jostle your 'bus. Yes, I am completely andutterly lost. No, I don't mind at all. I'm going to bale out thedrinking-trough and sleep there. And in the morning they'll take me tothe Foundling Hospital. Hullo. That's done it. Blind me first and thenrun me down. What are you? A travelling lighthouse or an air-raid? Wantto get to Cannon Street? Well, I should go round by sea, if I wereyou.... Well, if you must know, I'm Mary Pickford about to be trodden todeath in _Maelstrom_ or _Safety Last_. You know, you're not racing yourengine enough. I can still hear myself think...."

  His voice grew fainter and stopped.

  Vigorously I shouted his name. A cold draught, and we swept into thePark. Fitch pulled up on the left-hand side.

  "Berry, Berry!" I shouted.

  In the distance I could hear voices, but no one answered me....

  In response to my sister's exhortations I re-entered the car, and drew arug over my shivering limbs. The others put their heads out of thewindows and shouted for Berry in unison. There was no reply.

  For a quarter of an hour we shouted at intervals. Then Jonah took theother lamp and returned to the gate. He did not reappear for tenminutes, and we were beginning to give him up, when to our relief heopened the door.

  "No good," he said curtly. "We'd better get on. He's probably gonehome."

  "I suppose he's all right," said Daphne, in some uneasiness.

  "You can't come to any harm on foot," said I. "Everything's going deadslow for its own sake. And when I last heard him, he was having the timeof his life. Incidentally, as like as not, he'll strike a car that'sgoing to the Ball and ask for a lift."

  "I expect he will," said Jill. "There must be any amount on the way."

  "All right," said my sister. "Tell Fitch to carry on."

  Twenty minutes later that good helmsman set us down at the main entranceto the Albert Hall.

  * * * * *

  The conditions prevailing within that edifice suggested that few, ifany, ticket-holders had been deterred from attending by the conditionsprevailing without. The boxes were full, the floor was packed, thecorridors were thronged with eager shining revellers, dancing andstrolling and chattering to beat the band, which was flooding everycorner of the enormous building with an air of gaiety so infectious thateven the staid Jonah began to grumble that the dance would be overbefore the girls emerged from the cloakroom.

  The Field of the Cloth of Gold cannot have presented a more splendidspectacle. True, there was nothing of the pageant about the function,neither were Pomp and Chivalry among the guests. But Grace was there,and Ease and Artlessness, lending the scene that warmth and life andverity which Form and Ceremony do not allow.

  The utter hopelessness of encountering my lady of the limousine was soapparent that I relegated a ridiculous notion which I had beenharbouring to the region of things impossible, and determined to thinkabout it no more. For all th
at, I occasionally found myself scanning thecrowd of strangers and wondering whether there was one amongst themwhose voice I knew. It was during one of these lapses that I heard myname.

  "Who have you lost?" asked Maisie Dukedom, all radiant as a goldshepherdess.

  "Dance with me," said I, "and I'll tell you."

  She glanced at a tiny wrist-watch.

  "I promised I wouldn't stay more than an hour," she said, "and I oughtto be going. But I want to thank you for that beautiful rug. If I giveyou the next, will you get the car for me as soon as it's over?"

  "If you must go."

  She nodded, and we pushed off into the rapids.

  "And now, who is it?" she demanded.

  "I thought you were going to thank me for the rug."

  She made a little grimace of impatience.

  "The best way I can thank you is to tell you the truth. Jack and I wentto buy a rug at Lucifer's."

  "That's where we got yours."

  She pinched my arm.

  "Will you listen? We must have got to the shop directly you'd left. Theone you'd bought was still lying there. We both thought it feet aboveany other rug there, and, when they said it was sold, I nearly cried. Wewere so fed up that we said we wouldn't get a rug at all, and went offto look at book-cases and chests of drawers. I didn't get home till six,and, when I did, there was your present. Are you satisfied?"

  "Overwhelmed."

  "Good. Now, who's the lady?"

  "That's just what I can't tell you. I know her voice, but not hercountenance. Her name is Dot--Lady Dot. She drives in a blue limousineand she's here to-night."

  Maisie assumed a serious air.

  "This," she said, "is terrible. Does your life depend upon finding her?I mean ... it's worse than a needle in a bundle of hay, isn't it?"

  "Infinitely."

  "You can wash out the limousine, because you won't see it. And thevoice, because you won't hear it. And her name, because she won't belabelled. There's really nothing left, is there?"

  Gloomily I assented.

  "I'm sorry," said Maisie. "I'd like to have helped." The music slowed upand died. "And now will you see me off?"

  We made our way towards the exit.

  I had found her footman and sent him to summon the car, and was standingwithin the main entrance, when a familiar figure began with difficultyto emerge from a car which had just arrived. Berry. Having succeeded inprojecting himself on to the steps, he turned to hand his companion outof the car, as he did so presenting to the astonished doorkeepers a backof such startling dimensions that the one nearest to me recoiled, forall his seasoning.

  I was wondering who was the muffled Samaritan that had brought himalong, when the chauffeur leaned forward as if to receive instructionswhen to return. The light of the near-side lamp showed me the genialfeatures of that communicative fellow who had restored my grey hat somenine days before.

  Tall and slight, his mistress turned to the doorway, and I saw awell-shaped head, couped at the throat by the white of an ermine stole.Dark hair swept low over her forehead, an attractive smile sat on herpretty mouth, and there was a fine colour springing in her cheeks.

  She looked up to see me staring.

  For a moment a pair of grey eyes met mine steadily. Then--

  "Is the car here?" said Maisie over my shoulder. "Hullo, Berry."Suddenly she saw his companion. "Betty, my dear, I thought you were inScotland."

  Under pretence of arranging her wrap, I breathed Into her ear--

  "Introduce me."

  She did so without a tremor.

  "And give him the next dance for me," she added. "I've just cut one ofhis, and he's been most forgiving."

  "Too late," said Berry. "I have not wasted the shining thirty minuteswhich I have just spent in Lady Elizabeth's luxurious car. She knows himfor the craven that he is."

  "I must judge for myself," said my lady, turning to me with a smile."He's given you a terrible----"

  The sentence was never finished, for Berry turned to look at somebody,and Maisie noticed his back for the first time. Her involuntary cry wassucceeded by a peal of laughter which attracted the attention of everyone within earshot, and in a moment my brother-in-law found himself theobject of much interested amusement, which the majority of onlookersmade no attempt to conceal.

  My lady fled to her cloakroom. Hastily I escorted Maisie, still helplesswith laughter, to her car.

  I returned to find Berry entertaining a large audience of completestrangers in the vestibule with a fantastic account of his experiencesat Stanhope Gate. Concealing myself behind a pillar, I awaited LadyElizabeth's return.

  "Yes," said Berry. "Betrayed by my accomplices, I found myself, as itwere, a shred of flotsam adrift in the darkling streets. Several peoplethought I was the Marble Arch, and left me on the left. Others, morediscerning, conjured me to pull in to the kerb. Removing from my northinstep the hoof which, upon examination, I found to be attached to alarge mammal, I started to wade south-west and by south, hoping againsthope and steering by the Milky Way. Happily I had my ration-card, and Iderived great comfort from its pregnant directions, which I read fromtime to time by the smell of the red-hot lamp which I was bearing...."

  Here my lady appeared, and I led her into the corridor and on to thefloor.

  As she had promised, she was wearing a silver frock. One white shoulderwas left bare, and a heavy fringe, that swayed evenly with her everymovement, made the sum line of her dress still more graceful. Silverystockings covered her gleaming ankles, and she was shod with silvershoes.

  For a little we spoke of Berry, and she told me how he had boarded hercar and respectfully begged her compassion. Then I spoke of the bitterwind which had blown us about so inconsiderately, before the fog hadcome to lay upon us stripes of another kind.

  "I lost my hat one day," I added casually.

  At that she jumped in my arms as if I had stabbed her, but I took nonotice, and we danced on.

  Deliberately I recounted my loss and my pursuit, only omitting myencounter with her chauffeur.

  "I happen to know," I concluded, "that the lady of the limousine is hereto-night. Before the ball is over I shall have danced with her."

  "But you've never seen her," she protested.

  "I know her voice."

  She laughed musically.

  "Aren't you a bit of an optimist?" she queried.

  "I don't think so. And she's just sweet."

  "But if you don't know her name, how can you hope----"

  "Her name," I said, "is Dot."

  The hand upon my shoulder shook slightly.

  We danced on.

  At length--

  "That's not very much to go on," said Elizabeth.

  I sighed.

  "Don't discourage me," I said. "When I find her, d'you think she'll giveme the seven dances she said she would?"

  "O-o-oh, I never...." She choked and began to cough violently, so that Idrew her out of the press and into a vacant corner. "I never heard ofsuch a thing," she continued ingeniously.

  "You wicked girl," said I. "Why was Clapham Common?"

  For a moment she looked at me speechless. Then she began to laughtremulously....

  With a crash the jazz came to an end. Almost immediately anotherorchestra took up the running, and the strains of a valse rose up,plaintive and tempting.

  I looked at my lady.

  "Have I earned my dances, Dot?"

  She hesitated. Then--

  "Carry on, Carry One," she said.