The Brother of Daphne

  THE BROTHER OF DAPHNE

  by

  Dornford Yates

  Chapter I Punch and JudyChapter II Clothes and the manChapter III When it was darkChapter IV Adam and New Year's eveChapter V The Judgement of ParisChapter VI Which to adoreChapter VII Every picture tells a storyChapter VIII The Busy BeersChapter IX A point of honourChapter X Pride goeth beforeChapter XI The love sceneChapter XII The order of the bathChapter XIII A lucid intervalChapter XIV A private viewChapter XV All found

  CHAPTER I

  PUNCH AND JUDY

  "I said you'd do something," said Daphne, leaning back easily in herlong chair.

  I stopped swinging my legs and looked at her.

  "Did you, indeed," I said coldly.

  My sister nodded dreamily.

  "Then you lied, darling. In your white throat," I said pleasantly.

  "By the way, d'you know if the petrol's come?"

  "I don't even care," said Daphne. "But I didn't lie, old chap. Myword is--"

  "Your bond? Quite so. But not mine. The appointment I have in Townthat day--"

  "Which day?" said Daphne, with a faint smile.

  "The fete day."

  "Ah!"

  It was a bazaar fete thing. Daphne and several others--euphemisticallystyled workers--had conspired and agreed together to obtain money byfalse pretences for and on behalf of a certain mission, to wit theBanana. I prefer to put it that way. There is a certain smack aboutthe wording of an indictment. Almost a relish. The fact that twoyears before I had been let in for a stall and had defrauded fellow menand women of a considerable sum of money, but strengthened mydetermination not to be entrapped again. At the same time I realizedthat I was up against it.

  The crime in question was fixed for Wednesday or Thursday--so much Iknew. But no more. There was the rub. I really could not toil up toTown two days running.

  "Let's see," I said carelessly, "the fete's on--er--Wednesday, orThursday, is it?"

  "Which day are you going up to Town?" said Daphne. I changed my ground.

  "The Bananas are all right," I said, lighting a cigarette.

  "They only ate a missionary the other day," said my sister.

  "That's bad," said I musingly. "To any nation the consumption of homeproduce is of vital--"

  "We want to make sixty pounds."

  "To go towards their next meal? How much do missionaries cost?"

  "To save their souls alive," said Daphne zealously.

  "I'm glad something's to be saved alive," said I.

  Before she could reply, tea began to appear. When the footman hadretired to fetch the second instalment of accessories, I pointed thefinger of scorn at the table, upon which he had set the tray.

  "That parody emanated from a bazaar," I said contemptuously.

  "It does for the garden," said my sister.

  "It'd do for anything," said I. "Its silly sides, its crazy legs-"

  "Crazy?" cried Daphne indignantly. "It'd bear an elephant."

  "What if it would?" I said severely. "It's months since we gave up theelephants."

  "Is the kettle ready?"

  "It boils not, neither does it sing."

  "For which piece of irreverence you will do something on Thursday."

  "My dear girl," I said hurriedly, "if it were not imperative for me tobe in Town--"

  "You will do something on Thursday." I groaned.

  "And this," I said, "this is my mother's daughter! We have been nursedtogether, scolded together, dandled in the same arms. If she had notbeen the stronger of the two, we should have played with the same toys."

  I groaned again. Berry opened his eyes.

  "The value of a siesta upon a summer afternoon--" he began.

  I cut in with a bitter laugh. "What's he going to do?" I said.

  "Take a stall, of course," said Daphne.

  "Is he?" said Berry comfortably. "Is he? If motoring with Jonah toHuntercombe, and playing golf all day, is not incompatible with takinga stall on Thursday, I will sell children's underwear and egg cosieswith eclat. Otherwise--"

  "Golf," I said, "golf! Why don't I play golf?"

  "I know," said Berry; "because--"

  "Miserable man!" said Daphne.

  "Who?" said her husband.

  "You."

  Berry turned to me. "You hear?" he said. "Vulgar abuse. And why?Simply because a previous engagement denies to me the opportunity ofsubscribing to this charitable imposition. Humble as would have beenmy poor assistance, it would have been rendered with a willing heart.But there!" he sighed--"It may not be. The Bananas will never know,never realize how---- By the way, who are the Bananas?"

  "The Bananas?" said I. "Surely you know the--"

  "Weren't at Ascot, were they?"

  "Not in the Enclosure. No. The bold, bad Bananas are in many ways anengaging race. Indeed, some of the manners and customs which theyaffect are of a quite peculiar interest. Let us look, brother, for amoment, at their clothing. At the first blush--I use the wordadvisedly--it would seem that, like the fruit from which they taketheir name--"

  "I thought you'd better do some tricks," said Daphne, throwing a darklook in my direction.

  "Of course," I said; "the very thing. I've always been so good attricks."

  "I mean it," said Daphne.

  "Of course you do. What about the confidence trick? Can any ladyoblige me with a public-house?"

  "She means trick-cycling, stupid," said Berry. "Riding backwards onone wheel while you count the ball-bearings."

  "Look here," I said, "if Berry could have come and smoked a cigarette,I wouldn't have minded trying to flick the ash off it with ahunting-whip."

  "Pity about that golf," mused Berry. "And you might have thrown knivesround me afterwards. As it is, you'll have to recite."

  In a few telling sentences I intimated that I would do nothing of thekind.

  "I will appear," I said at last, "I will appear and run roundgenerally, but I promise nothing more."

  "Nonsense," said my sister. "I have promised, and I'm not going to letyou break my word. You are going to do something definite."

  "Desperate?"

  "Definite. You have three days in which to get ready. There's Jillcalling me. We're going to run over to Barley to whip up the Ashtoncrowd. D'you think we've enough petrol?"

  "I don't even care," said I.

  Daphne laughed softly. Then: "I must go," she said, getting up. "Giveme a cigarette and tell me if you think this dress'll do. I'm going tochange my shoes."

  "If," said I, producing my cigarette-case, "if you were half as nice asyou invariably look--"

  "That's a dear," she said, taking a cigarette. "And now, good-bye."

  I watched her retreating figure gloomily.

  Berry began to recite 'We are Seven.'

  Thursday morning broke cloudless and brilliant. I saw it break.Reluctantly, of course; I am not in the habit of rising at cock-crow.But on this occasion I rose because I could not sleep. When I went tobed on Wednesday night, I lay awake thinking deeply about what I was todo on the morrow. Daphne had proved inexorable. My brain, usually sofertile, had become barren, and for my three days' contemplation of thesubject I had absolutely nothing to show. It was past midnight beforeI fell into a fitful slumber, only to be aroused three hours and a halflater by the sudden burst of iniquity with which two or more cats sawfit to shake the silence of the rose-garden.

  As I threw out the boot-jack, I noticed the dawn. And as further sleepseemed out of the question, I decided to dress and go out into thewoods.

  When I slipped out of Knight's Bottom into the sunlit road to findmyself face to face wi
th a Punch and Judy show, I was not far frombeing momentarily disconcerted. For a second it occurred to me that Imight be dreaming, but, though I listened carefully, I could hear nocats, so I sat down on the bank by the side of the road and prepared tocontemplate the phenomenon.

  When I say 'Punch and Judy show' I am wrong. Although what I sawsuggested the proximity of a Punch and a Judy, to say nothing of thelikelihood of a show, I did not, as a matter of fact, descry any one ofthe three. The object that presented itself to my view was the tall,rectangular booth, gaudy and wide-mouthed, with which, until a fewyears ago, the streets of London were so familiar. Were! Dear oldPunch and Judy, how quickly you are becoming a thing of the past! Howsoon you will have gone the way of Jack-i'-the Green, Pepper's Ghost,the Maypole, and many another old friend! Out of the light into thedarkness. The old order changeth, yielding place to new, and in alittle space men shall be content to wonder at your ancient memory astheir grandfathers marvelled at that of the frolics of my Lord ofMisrule. However.

  There was the booth. But that was all. It stood quite alone at theside of the white road. I walked round it. Nothing. I glanced up anddown the road, but there was no one in sight. I had been feelinghungry, for it was seven o'clock; but this was better than breakfast,and I returned to the bank. The little red curtains fluttered, as apassing breeze caught them, and I marked how bright and new theylooked. It was certainly in good condition--this booth.

  "Well?" said a voice.

  "Well?" said I.

  A pause. A girl's voice it was: coming from within the booth.

  "You seem rather surprised," said the voice.

  "No, no," I said, "not really surprised. Only a little staggered. Yousee, I know so few booths."

  "What are you doing here?"

  "To be frank, booth, I'm waiting."

  "I'm waiting, too."

  "So?" said I. "I wait, you wait, let us wait, ye shall have been aboutto see, they would--"

  "What are you waiting for?"

  "Developments. And you?"

  "My breakfast."

  I looked up and down the road. "I don't see it coming," I saidanxiously. "What's it look like?"

  "Milk. You don't happen to have any, I suppose?"

  I felt in my pockets.

  "There, now," I said, "I must have left it on the piano. I got uprather hurriedly this morning," I added apologetically.

  "Never mind."

  "I'll tell you what, booth, I'll go and get some."

  "No, thanks very much. Don't you bother; it'll come along presently."

  "Are you sure? This isn't 'The Blue Bird.'"

  "Yes, it's all right--really."

  There was another pause. Then:

  "Hadn't you better be getting back to breakfast?" said the girl.

  "Not much," said I. "I don't run up against booths every day.Besides--"

  "Besides what?"

  "Well, booth, I'm awfully curious."

  "What do you want to know?"

  "You're very good."

  "I didn't say I'd tell you."

  "I'll risk that. In a word, why are you?"

  "Ah!"

  I waited in silence for a few moments. At length:

  "Suppose," she said slowly, "suppose a bet had been made."

  "A bet?"

  "A bet."

  "Shocking! Go on."

  "Well? Isn't that enough?"

  "Nothing like."

  "I don't think much of your imagination."

  I raised my eyes to heaven. "A prophet is not without honour," Iquoted.

  "Is this your own country?"

  "It is."

  "Oh, I say, you'd be the very man!"

  "I am," I said. "Refuse substitutes."

  It gradually appeared that, in a rash moment, she had made some sillywager that she could give a Punch and Judy show on her own in thevillage of Lynn Hammer and the vicinity. Of course, she had not meantit. She had spoken quite idly, secure in the very impracticability ofthe thing. But certain evil-disposed persons--referred to mysteriouslyas 'they'--had fastened greedily upon her words, and, waving aside herobjection that she had no paraphernalia, deliberately proceeded toprovide the same, that she might have no excuse. The booth was run up,the puppets procured. The gentle hint that she wanted to withdraw hadbeen let fall at the exact moment with deadly effect, and--the wickedwork was done. She had been motored over and here set down, completewith booth, half an hour ago. They were going to look back later, justto see how she was getting on. The ordeal was to be over and the wagerwon by six o'clock, and she might have the assistance of a native inher whimsical venture.

  "Right up to the last I believe the brutes thought I would cry off,"she said. "I very nearly did, too, when it came to it. Only I sawPeter smiling. It is rather a hopeless position, isn't it?"

  "It was. But now that you've got your native--"

  "Oh!" she said. Then: "But I've got one."

  "Where?"

  "He's getting the milk."

  "I don't believe he is. Anyway, you can discharge him and take me on.I've been out of work for years. Besides, you've been sent. In youradvent I descry the finger of Providence."

  "I wish I did. What do you mean?"

  "This day," I said, "I am perforce a zealot."

  "A what?"

  "A zealot--a Banana zealot. You, too, shall be a zealot. We willunite our zeal, and this day light such a candle--"

  "The man's mad," she said. "Quite mad."

  I explained. "You see," I said, "it's like this. Simply miles away,somewhere south south and by south of us, there are a lot of heathen.They're called Bananas. I don't know very much about it, but thereseems to be a sort of understanding that we should keep them inmissionaries. So every now and then the 'worker' push here get up afete thing and take money off people. Then they find one and send himout. Well, there's one of these stunts on this afternoon, and I'vebeen let in to do something. That's why I look so pale andinteresting. The last day or two I've been desperate about it. Butnow..."

  "Now what?"

  "If you'd let me help you to-day, we could take the show to the feteand simply rake it in. It's a splendid way of winning your bet, too.Oh, booth, isn't it obvious that you've been sent?"

  "It certainly would be nicer than giving performances about thevillage," she said musingly. "If only I knew you--"

  "You don't know the fellow who isn't getting the milk," I objected.

  "That's different. He'd be only a servant."

  "I would be the same."

  There was a pause. A rabbit loped into the road and blinked curiouslyat the booth. Then he saw me and beat a hasty retreat.

  "It is in a good cause," I urged. "You don't know the Bananas; they'reabsurdly--er--straight."

  "It's all very well for you," she said; "you know everybody here. Butit would be an impossible position for me; I don't know a soul. Now,if we were both strangers--"

  "Well?"

  "Well, then they wouldn't worry as to who we were and what we had to dowith one another."

  "Then let's both be strangers."

  "How can you be strange to order?"

  "Hush!" I said. "I will disguise me. At home I have put away aPierrot dress not one of them knows anything about, and I think I canraise a mask. If I--"

  A stifled exclamation from the booth made me look up. Framed in itsmouth, her arms folded and resting on the ledge, was the girl.

  What I could see of her was dressed as a Pierrot. Her hair wasconcealed under a black silk cap, and the familiar white felt conicalhat sat jauntily over one ear. A straight, white nose, and a delicatechin, red lips parted and smiling a little, such a smile as goes alwayswith eyebrows just raised, very alluring--so much only I saw. For therest, a strip of black velvet made an irritating mask.

  I made her a low bow.

  "I can see this is going to be a big thing," I said. "Won't you comedown?"

  "I haven't even said I'll take y
ou,"

  "Please."

  "You're sure to be recognized, and then, what about me?"

  "Oh, no, I shan't. If necessary, I'll wear a false nose. I've got onesomewhere."

  "Here's my milk."

  I looked round and beheld a small boy approaching with a jug.

  "Was that the best you could do in the native line?"

  "You needn't sneer. I'm not over-confident about my second venture."

  "Well, a knave's better than a fool, any day."

  "I'm sure I hope so."

  She slipped down out of sight into the booth again, to reappear amoment later in the road: and by her side a beautiful whitebull-terrier, a Toby ruff about his sturdy neck.

  "Good man," said my lady, pointing a finger at me. "Good man."

  The dog came forward, wagging his tail. I stooped and spoke with him.Then I turned to his mistress. She had discarded her white hat anddrawn on a long dust-coat, which reached almost to her ankles. Sheheld it close about her, as she walked. It showed off her slim figureto great advantage. Below, the wide edges of white duck trousers justappeared above shining insteps and high heeled shoes.

  When the urchin had come up, she took the jug from him with both hands.

  "I shall have to drink out of it," she said, raising it to her lipswith a smile.

  "Of course. Why not? Only ..."

  I hesitated.

  "What?"

  "Hadn't you better--I mean, won't the mask get in your way?"

  She lowered the jug and looked at me. "No; it won't get in the way.Thanks all the same," she said steadily. "Not all to-day."

  "It's in the way now."

  "Not my way."

  I saw her eyes watching my face as she drank, and when she took the jugfrom her lips she was smiling.

  We had some difficulty in persuading the boy to leave us; but atlength, a heavy bribe, coupled with the assurance that we should be atthe fete in the afternoon, had the desired effect, and he went slowlyaway.

  Thereafter we took counsel together.

  As a result, it was decided that we should fold the booth--it shut uplike a screen--and convey it, puppets and all, a little way into thewood. It was early yet, but some people would be passing along theroad, and we were not yet ready to combat the curiosity that theappearance of a Punch and Judy show would be sure to arouse. Thatdone, she would lie close in the wood with Toby, while I made off homeand changed.

  As I started off, after settling her in the bracken, I heard thevillage clock strike the half-hour. Half-past seven. I gained thehouse unobserved. No one was abroad except the servants, but I heardDaphne singing in the bathroom.

  I had worn the Pierrot dress two years ago at a fancy-dress ball.

  There it lay with its mask at the bottom of the wardrobe. The changewas soon completed, and I stood up a proper Folly, from the skull capupon my crown to the pumps upon my feet. It took some time to find thenose, but luck was with me, and at last I ran it to earth in an oldcollar-box. Truly an appalling article, it stuck straight out from myface like a fat, fiery peg, but between that and the mask, my disguisewould defy detection.

  Suddenly I had a brilliant idea. Sitting down, I scribbled a note toDaphne to the effect that, owing to a sleepless night, my nerve hadforsaken me, and that, unable to face the terror of the bazaar, I hadfled to Town, and should not be back till late. I added that I shouldbe with her in the spirit, which, after all, was the main thing.

  I put on a long overcoat and a soft hat. The nose went into onepocket, the mask into another. Then I went cautiously downstairs andinto the dining-room. It was empty, and breakfast was partially laid.

  In feverish haste I hacked about a pound of meat off a York ham andnearly as much off a new tongue. Wrapping the slices in a napkin, Ithrust them into the pocket with the nose. To add half a brown loaf tothe mask and drain the milk jug was the work of another moment, and,after laying the note on Daphne's plate, I slipped out of the Frenchwindows and into the bushes as I heard William come down the passage. Aquarter of an hour later I was back again in the wood.

  She was sitting on a log, swinging her legs to and fro. When I tookoff my coat and hat, she clapped her hands in delight.

  "Wait till you see the nose," said I.

  When presently I slipped that French monstrosity into place, shelaughed so immoderately that her brown hair broke loose from under theblack silk cap and tumbled gloriously about her shoulders.

  "There now," she said. "See what you've done."

  "Good for the nose," said I.

  "It's all very well to say that, but it took me ages to get it allunder the wretched cap this morning."

  "I shouldn't put it back again if I were you. You see," I went onearnestly, "everybody will know you're a girl, Judy dear."

  "Why, Punch?" She drew aside the dust coat and revealed the widePierrot trousers she was wearing.

  "Priceless," I admitted. "But what I really love are your feet."

  She looked concernedly at her little, high-heeled shoes.

  I stooped to flick the dust from their patent leather.

  "Thank you, Punch. What shall I do about my hair, then?"

  "Wear it in a pig-tail. I'll plait it for you. It'll be worth anothersovereign to the Bananas."

  "If you put it like that--" she said slowly.

  "I do, Judy."

  If the suggestion was not prompted by motives which were entirelydisinterested, I think I may be forgiven.

  "I say, Judy," I said a little later, pausing unnecessarily in my work,and making pretence to comb with my fingers the tresses as yetungathered into the plait.

  "Yes? What a long time you are!"

  Well, there was a knot.

  She tried to look round into my face at that, but I vigorouslyunplaited about two inches, which seemed to satisfy her. For me, Ithought of Penelope and her web and the wooers, and smiled.

  "Well, what is it, Punch?"

  "About the mask."

  "No good!"

  "But, Judy--"

  For the next two minutes I did a little listening. When she paused forbreath:

  "Have some ham," I suggested.

  "Bother the ham! Do you hear what I say?"

  "I heard you bother the ham."

  "Before that?"

  "Something about a mask, was it?"

  "Give me back my hair," she demanded.

  "No, no," I said hastily, "not that! I won't ask again."

  "Promise."

  "I promise."

  When I had finished the plaiting, I tied the ends with a piece ofribbon which she produced, kissed them, and sat down in the grass ather feet.

  We had oceans of time, for the fete did not begin till two. But weagreed there must be a rehearsal of some kind.

  "What do you know about yourself, Punch?"

  "I have a foggy recollection of domestic differences."

  "You used to beat me cruelly."

  "Ah, but you had a nagging tongue, Judy. I can hear your defiant'wootle' now."

  Her lips parted in a smile at the reminiscence, and before they closedagain she had slipped something between them. The next instant thewood rang with a regular hurricane of toots and wootles.

  "Oh, Judy!"

  "Wootle?" she said inquiringly.

  "Rather! But hush--you'll wake the echoes."

  "And why not? They ought to be up and about by now."

  I shook my head.

  "They're a sleepy folk," I said; "they get so little rest. The day isnoisy enough, but at night, what with dogs baying the moon, and thenightjars calling, when owls do cry--"

  "When owls do cry--"

  "--and the earnest but mistaken chanticleer, they have a rotten time.Poor echoes! And they wake very easily here."

  "Don't they everywhere?"

  "Oh, no! I know some that are very heavy sleepers. In fact, it'shopeless to try and wake them without the welkin."

  "The welkin?"

  "Yes, you make him ri
ng, you know. They nearly always hear him. Andif they don't the first time, you make him ring again."

  For a little space she laughed helplessly. At last:

  "I am an idiot to encourage you. Seriously," she added, "about thelittle play."

  "Presently by us to be enacted?"

  "The plot," I said, "is as follows. Punch has a row with Judy andknocks her out. (Laughter.) Various well-intentioned and benignantfools look in on Punch to pass the time of day, and get--veryproperly--knocked out for their pains. (Loud and prolonged laughter.)This is followed by the side-splitting incident in which a handy clownnot only eludes the thirsty bludgeon, but surreptitiously steals theinevitable sausages. Exit clown. Punch, already irritated at havingmissed clown, misses sausages, and exit in high dudgeon. Re-enterJudy, followed by sausaged clown, who comforts her. (Oh, Judy!)Re-enter Punch. Justifiable tussle. Punch sees sausages and begins tofind his length. Clown sees stars and exit. Punch knocks out Judywith a left hook. To him, gloating, enter constable. It seems Judy'sknock-out more serious than usual. Constable suggests that Punch shallgo quietly. Punch does not see it, and retires to fetch persuader.Constable protests and is persuaded. (Laughter.) Enter ghost--notclear whose ghost, but any ghost in a storm. Punch unnerved. Ghostgibbers. Punch more unnerved. Ghost gibbers again. Punch terrified.Exit ghost and enter hangman, to whom Punch, unstrung by recentencounter with apparition, falls an easy prey. Curtain. You bow fromthe mouth of the booth. I adjust nose and collect money in diminutivetin pail. How's that?"

  "Lovely, Punch! But where does Toby dear come in?"

  At the mention of his name the terrier rose and went to her. Hismistress stroked his soft head.

  "In the background," said I. "Or the offing (nautical). I don't thinkhe'd better act. Let him be stage-door-keeper."

  "All right. Now open the puppet-box."

  It was a nice set of puppets, and they were very simple to manipulate.They fitted easily on to the hand, the forefinger controlling the head,and the thumb and second finger the arms. The old fellow's cudgel wasa dream.

  We decided that I had better stick to Punch and Punch alone. For theothers she would be answerable.

  After rehearsing for half an hour, we stopped for breakfast. In theabsence of cutlery, it was a ragged meal, but what mattered that? Wewere for letting the world slip--we should ne'er be younger.

  People were stirring now. Carts rumbled in the distance, and cars sangpast on the long, white road. Presently came one that slowed andslowed and stopped.

  It was unfortunate that, but a moment before, I should have grownimpatient of a large piece of crust and thrust it bodily into my mouth.But although articulation at this interesting juncture was out of thequestion, I laid an eloquent hand upon her arm and crowded as muchexpression as I could into a swollen and distorted visage. She glancedat me and collapsed in silent infectious laughter. And so it happenedthat, while we two conspirators lay shaking in the bracken, her friendsturned their car wonderingly round and drove slowly back into thevillage away from her they sought.

  Another hour and a half of somewhat desultory rehearsal found us'wootle' perfect and ready for anything. So we laid the puppets by,fed Toby with brown bread and tongue, and rested against the labours ofthe afternoon.

  The time passed quickly enough--too quickly.

  It was a few minutes past one when, having adjusted my mask and slid mynose into position, I got the booth upon my shoulders and stepped outinto the road.

  "Come along," I said encouragingly.

  "I'm afraid. Oh, there's something coming."

  "Nonsense! I wish I hadn't packed that bludgeon."

  "I'm nervous, Punch."

  "Will you make me drag you along by the hair of your head? Of course,it'd be in the picture right enough, but I rather want two hands forthis infernal booth. However, let me once get a good grip on that softpigtail--"

  "What--again?"

  "Ah, that was in love, Judy."

  The next second she had joined me on the white highway, the faithfulToby a short pace behind her. His not to reason why. A good fellow,Toby.

  It was rather a nervous moment. But, in spite of an approachingwagonette, she walked bravely beside me with the puppet-box under herarm. The occupants of the vehicle began to evince great curiosity aswe drew nearer, but their mare caught sight of my nose at the criticalmoment and provided an opportune diversion.

  "So perish all our enemies!" she said with a sigh of relief.

  "Stage-fright, Judy, dear. You'll be all right in a minute. We'rebound to excite interest. It's what we're for and what we want. I'llkeep it going. Give me your wootler."

  She handed me the reed, and I held it ready between my lips.

  "Buck up, lass!"

  Ten minutes more and we entered the village. The grounds where thefete was to be holden lay three-quarters of a mile further on. Theball was opened by two small errand boys, on whose hands, as is usualwith the breed, time was lying heavily. They were engaged in deepconverse as we came up, and it was only when we were close upon themthat they became aware of our presence. For a few seconds they staredat us, apparently rooted to the spot, and as if they could not believetheir good fortune. Then one broke into an explosive bellow ofdelight, while the other ran off squeaking with excitement to findother devils who should share the treasure-trove. But, unlike hisinfamous predecessor, he was not content with seven. When he returned,it was but as the van of a fast-swelling rabble. His erstwhilecompanion, who had been backing steadily in front of me ever since heleft, and had, after a hurried consideration of the respective meritsof the booth and the box under Judy's arm, rejected them both in favourof my nose, kept his eyes fastened greedily upon that organ with sodesperate an air of concentration that I was quite relieved when hetripped over a brick and fell on his back in the road.

  And all this time our following grew. The news of our advent hadspread like wildfire. Old men and maidens, young men and boys, thematron and the maid, alike came running. Altogether, Lynn Hammer wasset throbbing with an excitement such as it had not experienced sincethe baker's assistant was wrongly arrested for petty larceny in 1904.

  Amongst those who walked close about us, candid speculation as to theprobable venue of the performance was rife, while its style, length,value, etc., were all frankly discussed. Many were the questionsraised, and many the inaccurate explanations accepted as to the reasonof our being; but though my companion came in for some inevitablediscussion, I was relieved to find that my panache and a comicpeculiarity of gait, which I thought it as well from time to time toaffect, proved usefully diverting.

  When the crowd had begun to assume considerable proportions, Judy hadslipped her arm in mine, and an answering pressure to my encouragingsqueeze told me that she was trying to buck up as well as she could.Good little Judy! It was an ordeal for you, but you came through itwith flying colours, though with a flaming cheek.

  When we reached the triangular piece of grass that lay in front of thevillage inn, I called a halt with such suddenness as to create greatconfusion in the swarming ranks that followed in our wake. But whilethey sorted themselves, I slipped the booth off my shoulders, gave onelong, echoing call upon the reed, and, striking an attitude, made readyto address the expectant villagers.

  After carefully polishing my nose with a silk handkerchief--an actionwhich met with instant approval--I selected a fat, red-faced drayman,thanked him, and said that mine was a Bass, an assertion which foundhigh favour with the more immediate cronies of the gentleman inquestion. Then I got to work.

  After dwelling lightly on the renown in which the village of LynnHammer was held throughout the countryside, not to mention a gallantreference to the wit, beauty, and mirth which was assembled about me, Iplunged into a facetious resume of recent local events. This, ofcourse, came to me easily enough, but the crowd only saw therein thelucky ventures of a talkative stranger, and roared with merriment ateach happy allusion. And so I ca
me to the Bananas. Yes, we were forthe fete. There should we be the livelong afternoon, giving freeshows, and only afterwards soliciting contribution from such as couldafford to give in a good cause. God save the King!

  Then I called for mine host, and after ordering ginger beer for Judyand old ale for myself, slapped silver into his hand, and begged asmany as would so honour her to drink the lady's health.

  About that there was no difficulty, and when I had despatched theoriginal boy--who all this while had never wavered in his constancy tomy proboscis--for a small tin pail, I prepared to get my burden oncemore upon my back. But this was not to be. Four good fellows insistedon constituting themselves booth-bearers, and the burly draymangallantly relieved my fair companion of the box of puppets.

  So we came in state to the grounds where the bazaar was to be held.The parley with the gatekeeper was of short duration, for the 'workers'scented money in our admission, and, with an eye to the Bananas' mainchance, made us quickly welcome. On my explaining our intention to putour efforts at their service, and any increment that might result intotheir pockets, their expression of gratitude was quite touching.

  The entrance fee deterred some, and their daily occupation more ofthose who had formed our kindly escort, from following us into thefete, but I believe that most of them contrived to return before sixo'clock.

  When I think of all that I said and did on that sunny afternoon, I gethot all over.

  I could not go very far wrong during the actual performance, but it wasafterwards, when Judy sat smiling in the mouth of the booth, and I wentforth, pail in hand, seeking whom I might devour.

  I drew my arm familiarly through that of a reluctant curate, and walkedhim smartly up and down, discussing volubly the merits of my nose intones which suggested that I had no roof to my mouth, Did a ladyprotest that she had already contributed, I repeated "Oh, madam!"reproachfully and crescendo till the hush-money was paid, while infront of those who affected not to see my out-stretched hand, I stoodas if rooted to the spot. I borrowed the vicar's wideawake, ostensiblyfor a conjuring trick, and wore it assiduously for the rest of theafternoon and, on his demurring to such use, I explained, in the voiceof G.P.Huntley, that it went so well with the nose.

  In short, I played the mountebank to a degree that astonished myself,but apparently to some purpose, for the money came in properly.

  The performances went with a bang, and when, at the conclusion of theplaylet, I lifted Judy to the rickety shelf, so that her head andshoulders were framed in the mouth of the booth, it was the signal fora burst of applause.

  On one of these occasions:

  "It's not fair that I should take every call," she said, looking downat my upturned face.

  "My dear Judy, I have my reward."

  "What?"

  "Don't I lift you up every time?"

  She laughed pleasedly.

  "Gallant Punch, you're easily satisfied."

  "Am I, Judy--am I?" I said gently, taking her hand.

  "Yes," she said, snatching it away. "You are and will be. Go out andget the money."

  I adjusted my nose thoughtfully. Daphne was, of course, in greatevidence. Anxious to run no unnecessary risk, I avoided her whenpossible, and when I did find myself in her proximity, I at onceindulged in some of my more extravagant behaviour.

  "Where's your brother?" I heard a worker say.

  "Brother!" said Daphne bitterly. "Coward! And I really thought weshould have him this time. Fled to London before we were up thismorning, thank you. From the amount of food he took with him, and theway he took it, anyone would have thought he was an escaped convict.Guilty conscience, I suppose. One hears a good deal about recordflights nowadays, but I'd back my miserable brother against anyaviator. My husband's promised to look in about five, if he's backfrom Huntercombe. That's something. But they're a wretched lot. Oh,here's one of the Pierrots!"

  I hung the pail on my nose and looked at her.

  "As one of the organizers of the fete," she said hastily, "I must thankyou--"

  "Nothing doing, madam," said I, in an assumed voice.

  "But"

  "Free list entirely suspended, madam," and I shook the pail mercilessly.

  A small and grinning crowd had begun to collect, so Daphne parted upwith a forced smile, and I went off chuckling to queer the animals'race.

  Our penultimate performance was over, and I was in the midst of myvagaries again, when I saw Berry. Unanxious to tempt Providence, Iretired precipitately to the shelter of the booth. My companion wassitting disconsolately upon the box on which she stood to work herpuppets.

  "Is it time for the next show?" she said.

  "Not for a quarter of an hour."

  I sat down at her feet and removed my mask and nose.

  "I'm afraid I persuaded your hand last time, Judy."

  "You touched it."

  "Let me look."

  "It doesn't show."

  "Let me look."

  After examining the knuckles carefully, I turned my attention to thesoft little palm.

  "Obstinacy," I said. "Obstinacy is clearly indicated by the dimplesituate below Saturn and to the right of the watering-pot."

  She tried to draw it away, but I tightened my hold and proceeded withmy investigation.

  "A gentle and confiding nature, characterized by a penchant forescapade, is denoted by the joy-wheel at the base of Halley's Comet.And so we come to the life-belt. This--my word, this is all right!Unrivalled for resistance to damp and wear, will last three to sixtimes as long as ordinary paint--I mean life--of extraordinarydurability. Now for the heart-line. The expert will here descry acurious mixture of--"

  Further investigation she cut short by so determined an attempt atwithdrawal that I let her hand go.

  "Oughtn't we to be beginning again?"

  "You're very eager for the last show."

  "No, I'm not, but I want to get it over."

  "Oh, Judy!"

  She laid her hand on my shoulder.

  "No, Punch, no, I didn't mean that. It's been--great fun."

  "It's sweet of you to say that."

  "It's not. Don't you think I've liked it?"

  I leaned forward.

  "Dear Judy," I said, "very soon it will be over, and we shall go ourseveral ways once more. And if we don't meet, as the months and yearsgo by, when other cleverer, better men walk by your side, and gloriousdays crowd thick about you, throw a spare thought to the old time whenyou were a strolling player, and the poor fool you gave the honour ofyour company."

  She turned her head away, but she did not speak.

  "You'll not forget me, Judy?"

  She caught her breath and slipped a hand under her mask for a second.Then:

  "Next show, Punch," she cried. "No, of course, I shan't. You've beenvery good to me."

  She was on her feet by now and busily arranging the puppets. Igroaned. The next moment she had wound a long call upon the reed,which put further converse out of the question.

  The last performance began. The first quarrel seemed to lack itswonted bitterness. Punch appeared halfhearted, and Judy was simplywalking through.

  I glanced at the girl and stroked her pig-tail--my pig-tail.

  "Wootle," I said encouragingly. "Wootle, wootle."

  She started at my touch. Then she seemed to remember, and flungherself into her part with abandon.

  When the ghost was on, I had a brilliant idea.

  "Leave the hangman out," I whispered, "and put up Judy instead. We'llhave a reconciliation to finish with."

  And so to Punch, sobered, shaking, cowering in the corner, with hislittle plaster hands before his face, came his poor wife. (Oh, but shedid it well!) Gently, timidly, bravely, she laid a trembling hand uponhis shoulder, and coaxed his hands from before his frightened eyes,then, backing, stood with outstretched, appealing little arms--agesture at once so loving and pathetic that Punch was fain to thrusthis sleeve before his eyes and turn his face in shame to the wal
l.Softly went Judy to him again, touched him, and waited. And as heturned again, to find two little arms stealing about his neck, and apoor, bare, bruised head upon his chest, he flung his arms about herwith a toot of joy, and clasped her in the accepted fashion. Oh, verycharming.

  This was greeted with prolonged applause.

  "Hold it," I said. "Hold the picture!"

  As she obeyed I slid my left arm about her, ready to lift her up.

  Suddenly Punch became limp and lifeless in his wife's embrace, and withmy freed right hand I slipped her mask over her forehead, smiled intoher eyes, and kissed them.

  "I promised not to ask again."

  "Punch!"

  So for a moment we two let the world wag. Then the whole booth fellheavily over, mouth uppermost, and we within it. It was the final ofthe animal race that was responsible for our overthrow. The black pig,blind with jealous rage and mortification at being beaten on the tapeby a cochin china, had borne violently down upon the booth and upsetit, with wicked grunts of satisfaction.

  "Hurt, dear?" said I.

  "No."

  As she slipped her mask into place, Berry put his head in at the mouthof the booth. Maskless, noseless, I looked at him. Slowly hisastonished features relaxed in a grin.

  "So!" he said softly. "I might have known."